Why Estate Managers and Family Offices Clash—And How to Fix It

Estate Management

Jun 26

This month on Dear Billionaire, we’ve been diving deep into The State of the Estate — and what it really means to run your home like a business.

In this final installment, we’re tackling a surprisingly common issue: misalignment between household staff and the family office. On the surface, these two groups serve the same principals. But when they’re not operating in sync, it can feel like they’re working against each other instead of together.

Today, I’ll walk you through how to eliminate the friction so both teams can deliver world-class service with harmony, speed, and precision.

Because here’s what no one tells you:

Sometimes, the biggest obstacle to your household team’s success is the family office — and homeowners are often the last to know.

Let me explain.

Years ago, I worked for a UHNW family supported by a multi-family office. The office managed everything from bill pay to philanthropic giving. As an estate manager, I initially felt relieved — until I received the first profit and loss statement after a major attic remodel. The expenses were lumped under vague categories like “repairs” or “household goods.” I couldn’t track where we’d gone over budget, and I certainly couldn’t answer when the principals asked, “What did that attic project cost?”

When I requested a breakdown from the family office, it took weeks. Their final answer? “We can’t provide that level of detail.”

That’s when it hit me:

The problem wasn’t the software — it was the strategy. The family office had long-term goals around compliance and protection. Meanwhile, I was managing day-to-day logistics, guests, and urgent repairs.

One team was building systems. The other was keeping them from falling apart.

The result? Delays, miscommunication, and lost trust.

So how do you align both sides?

Here are seven key steps I now recommend for syncing your household and family office teams:

Designate a Liaison – Choose someone to bridge the two worlds and resolve urgent needs without red tape.
Establish Workflows – Define approval processes, emergency thresholds, and vendor onboarding protocols.
Utilize Shared Systems – Implement a platform that allows both parties to track projects and expenses transparently.
Separate Household Financials – Keep dedicated accounts so household costs aren’t buried in entertainment budgets.
Hold Strategy Meetings – Quarterly syncs build trust and prevent surprises.
Build a 12-Month Action Plan – Map out travel, events, and renovations to align planning and reduce conflicts.
Develop an Annual Budget – With variance tracking, everyone can manage expectations and make adjustments in real-time.